Acting

Evil HR Lady had a very funny post ( the one with the you tube video of "Charlie bit me" watch it again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM). That short little clip reminds me of something that rubs me the wrong way about this society that we live in.


Everyone is an actor. The little boy saw that a camera was pointed at him--and he performed. He bit his (I assume) brother. And even worse--he smiled! He knew the camera was on him so he performed and smiled knowing that the world would laugh with him.


I feel like I don't know what it means to be me. I have been living a 'role' (that of good Mormon girl, or Good Mormon Daughter) my whole life. How I saw everything was based on the role. How I related to people. How I treated myself (not very kindly, mind you) was all based on 'performing' that role well.


Well, almost a year ago I quit that contract. I have gone through a major personal upheaval trying to figure out "who am I?!" because I never acted or made decisions based on my own desires. I still get caught up in 'role' thinking. It takes time to let go of that. And you don't necessarily let it go on it's own. You do need to replace certain thinking or ways of thinking with something else.