As I've been trying to determine how I want to enjoy my 'retirement' (i.e. being unemployed) right now, I realized that I have been resisting becoming clear on this. I cling to my excuses of the past-as a Mormon I never was allowed to think of what I wanted, my life was all about others. I now realize that this is just an excuse. This excuse perpetuates a 'victim' mentality AND provides the additional excuse or 'out' from responsibility. If I can't clearly state what I want to do, then it is ok for me to remain in this icky state of floundering and not take action (i.e. go nowhere). By stating what I want--I have to accept responsibility for doing something about it and moving forward. Or accept responsibility for not taking action and moving forward.
Hmmm. I recognize that I am resisting it. And now I know why. These lame excuses don't serve me any more. I am trying to let go of the 'victim' mentality. Yes, it's scary to take responsibility for my life, but I know I can handle it. Previously I believed that God could make something good out of any situation. But what if I now believe that I can make something good out of any of my life's situations? Think what exciting things I can accomplish! I could create my dream job or employment opportunity. Yes, on the flip side I could totally mess my life up (but what's the statistical probability of that? Not very high. And besides-in theory I've already done that!) I'm the type to look on the bright side of life. I find opportunity everywhere.
And what I love about decluttering is the space it opens up for CREATIVITY. So, now that I recognize why I'm resisting, I can declutter it out of my mind, create space, and create the life I always wanted. An early retirement and a job I love!