Sunday, March 2, 2008

I let go of 5 to 10 pounds more!

Ok, so I recently moved. I went through a lot of mission, church, etc stuff and tried to toss it before I had to move it as well. WELL, I am still sorting through and trying to put things away and I came across another 5-10 lbs of Mormon memorabilia that I easily tossed. A small stack of old Ensign's--mostly the conference edititons. Also a few posters of the Relief Society motto, a picture of Jesus, one of Joseph Smith's first vision, and one of the San Diego temple. That gave me slight pause, but I ultimately tossed it. (If I'm not going to hang it anywhere, why keep it?)

I left the church at least six months ago. I spent 30+ years growing up in it. It will take time to let go of all of it, or as much of it as I want to. Some things I am not yet ready to let go of, some things I may never let go of (I'm talking physical objects/possesions here). When I am ready, I will let them go.

I have let go a LOT of mental and emotional clutter associated with being a member of that church. There is still a lot (LOT) more to let go of. But now I truly do believe in mercy, kindness, and forgiveness. And I mean forgiveness that doesn't involve all the "steps" and shame and humilitation and self-degradation that I felt I had to go through to make up for some cosmic blunder/sin/mess.

That has been one of the most liberating things--not beliving in "sin" anymore. I can make a mistake and it isn't called sin. Crimeny, I don't even really have to call it a mistake. It's just an experience I learn from. That's all. My mind is much more at peace and I feel much more accepting of what is rather than base my life on expectations and what ought to be. Expectations just lead to dissapointment and bad feelings. I let it go.

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